Monday, December 19, 2011

We Can Do Hard Things


I’m feeling kind of ornery today. Thinking about Garrett, whom I’ve had two dreams about the pasted two nights in a row. The first I greeted him with hugs and kisses, knowing in the dream that I was to wake up and he’d be gone. He smiled and hugged back. I woke up without feeling scared, I felt good that I got to see him again. The second he was with a crowd of people, knowing he wasn’t alive but acting as if he didn’t know he was and we were to treat him as if he were alive. I asked a friend why we were pretending, he knew he was dead. Still I got to see him again and this time he looked more like Garrett. Thank you for visiting I miss you like crazy! Maybe I’m becoming less mad at you.

Today was our Christmas lunch at work. I can barely produce a smile. Maybe it's just the company. Or maybe I’m tired. Or maybe I’m finally winding down and just plain tired from all the Christmas festivities and shopping. It does take a lot out of me. By the end of the lunch, FINALLY someone sat next to me, I was more able to smile and converse with people. I did bring my pie up to my desk though. It was cherry and it was cold. Why was the pie cold? It isn’t good cold.

Anyways, back to work. I hope I can snap out of this funk I have a long week ahead of me.

Happy Holidays! 

Monday, December 12, 2011

My Journey's: Dating Has Become Like Kickball…


Seriously! I love my kickball team with a passion, but like kickball dating has turned to once a week, fun while we’re doing it, but at the end unmemorable. 

I met okc “H” for trivia and had a really good time. Stayed out way passed my bedtime on a school night (work night), had some really good conversation and promised a second date. A second date did ensue. Typical movie night with some popcorn and milk duds (not my pick). He said tom cruise was his all time favorite actor. I liked him this guy, but my viewpoints on tom cruise: crazy, douche, bag, actor. Why tom cruise? We talked for a while in the parking lot until it was cut short because I had to hurry home to let my sister in the house. He seemed busier than I’d like to date because he has a son and some baby mama drama. So the end for now.

Again I’d sworn off dating because of the above-mentioned disappointment. But per usual I find another date all to quickly.

I met okc “M” at a supposed “secret” spot below a Taco Mac. It sounds naughty and creepy, but trust it was not. It was very nice and cozy. First glance he’s cuter than I thought he’d be, so I’m pleasantly pleased. We sit down and go through the menu, which is on an Ipad. Nothing like Miller Lite served here folks, so I’m screwed! All the beer was expensive and high quality. I had to take it easy on the sips if I didn’t want to get wasted and drive home. We’re sitting we’re chatting things are going ok, he’s a total nerd so we’re talking about Star Trek, Dragon Con and Dr. Who, when the waitress comes up and says, “We’re trying out this new beer, if you taste it and like it you can keep it”. I’m thinking if I don’t like it are you going to take it back? I mean it’s in a full glass and typically taste testers are in a small glass. I taste it, my date tastes it and we give our opinion on it, we all know I’m no beer coinsure, the waitress leaves and we continue on with our conversation on what he went to Dragon Con as this year, and last year…

The waitress comes back about 20 minutes later and tells me, “Truth is someone sent you that drink earlier and now he wants you to have this Baby Guinness”. Oh shit! Someone is sending me drinks as I’m on a date. The bar is close to empty so I’m scanning the place to see who could be the culprit. Fat guy at bar…don’t know. I do know that the waitress has been “sworn to secrecy”. So I take a sip of the baby guinness and continue on with my date. 20 minutes later the waitress is back, saying this “fellow” wants to know what my favorite of the two was so he can send me another. I haven’t even put a dent in the two drinks he’s sent me, let alone mine because I’m a huge lightweight and these are high gravity drinks! I tell her it’s way too much alcohol but I preferred the baby Guinness to the beer, but quite honestly if he wants to send me something I’ll drink to send me a Shirley temple. She comes back with another baby guinness and a Shirley temple, which I drank in it’s entirety.

My date and I laugh a little about this and I tell him I think it’s rude of the mystery fellow, but the waitress tells him he has nothing to worry about. Um…how would you know girlfriend, you don’t know him or me. The date ended nicely and we said we’d be in touch, which we have. Still my feelings toward him aren’t intimate because I think we’re just too different.

Some have said I’m picky, and maybe I am, but I don’t want to settle for someone and risk unhappiness when I can actually be happier without. It’ll happen. * fingers crossed *