We Can Do Hard Things

I’m feeling kind of ornery today. Thinking about Garrett, whom I’ve had two dreams about the pasted two nights in a row. The first I greeted him with hugs and kisses, knowing in the dream that I was to wake up and he’d be gone. He smiled and hugged back. I woke up without feeling scared, I felt good that I got to see him again. The second he was with a crowd of people, knowing he wasn’t alive but acting as if he didn’t know he was and we were to treat him as if he were alive. I asked a friend why we were pretending, he knew he was dead. Still I got to see him again and this time he looked more like Garrett. Thank you for visiting I miss you like crazy! Maybe I’m becoming less mad at you.

Today was our Christmas lunch at work. I can barely produce a smile. Maybe it's just the company. Or maybe I’m tired. Or maybe I’m finally winding down and just plain tired from all the Christmas festivities and shopping. It does take a lot out of me. By the end of the lunch, FINALLY someone sat next to me, I was more able to smile and converse with people. I did bring my pie up to my desk though. It was cherry and it was cold. Why was the pie cold? It isn’t good cold.

Anyways, back to work. I hope I can snap out of this funk I have a long week ahead of me.

Happy Holidays! 

My Journey's: Dating Has Become Like Kickball…

Seriously! I love my kickball team with a passion, but like kickball dating has turned to once a week, fun while we’re doing it, but at the end unmemorable. 

I met okc “H” for trivia and had a really good time. Stayed out way passed my bedtime on a school night (work night), had some really good conversation and promised a second date. A second date did ensue. Typical movie night with some popcorn and milk duds (not my pick). He said tom cruise was his all time favorite actor. I liked him this guy, but my viewpoints on tom cruise: crazy, douche, bag, actor. Why tom cruise? We talked for a while in the parking lot until it was cut short because I had to hurry home to let my sister in the house. He seemed busier than I’d like to date because he has a son and some baby mama drama. So the end for now.

Again I’d sworn off dating because of the above-mentioned disappointment. But per usual I find another date all to quickly.

I met okc “M” at a supposed “secret” spot below a Taco Mac. It sounds naughty and creepy, but trust it was not. It was very nice and cozy. First glance he’s cuter than I thought he’d be, so I’m pleasantly pleased. We sit down and go through the menu, which is on an Ipad. Nothing like Miller Lite served here folks, so I’m screwed! All the beer was expensive and high quality. I had to take it easy on the sips if I didn’t want to get wasted and drive home. We’re sitting we’re chatting things are going ok, he’s a total nerd so we’re talking about Star Trek, Dragon Con and Dr. Who, when the waitress comes up and says, “We’re trying out this new beer, if you taste it and like it you can keep it”. I’m thinking if I don’t like it are you going to take it back? I mean it’s in a full glass and typically taste testers are in a small glass. I taste it, my date tastes it and we give our opinion on it, we all know I’m no beer coinsure, the waitress leaves and we continue on with our conversation on what he went to Dragon Con as this year, and last year…

The waitress comes back about 20 minutes later and tells me, “Truth is someone sent you that drink earlier and now he wants you to have this Baby Guinness”. Oh shit! Someone is sending me drinks as I’m on a date. The bar is close to empty so I’m scanning the place to see who could be the culprit. Fat guy at bar…don’t know. I do know that the waitress has been “sworn to secrecy”. So I take a sip of the baby guinness and continue on with my date. 20 minutes later the waitress is back, saying this “fellow” wants to know what my favorite of the two was so he can send me another. I haven’t even put a dent in the two drinks he’s sent me, let alone mine because I’m a huge lightweight and these are high gravity drinks! I tell her it’s way too much alcohol but I preferred the baby Guinness to the beer, but quite honestly if he wants to send me something I’ll drink to send me a Shirley temple. She comes back with another baby guinness and a Shirley temple, which I drank in it’s entirety.

My date and I laugh a little about this and I tell him I think it’s rude of the mystery fellow, but the waitress tells him he has nothing to worry about. Um…how would you know girlfriend, you don’t know him or me. The date ended nicely and we said we’d be in touch, which we have. Still my feelings toward him aren’t intimate because I think we’re just too different.

Some have said I’m picky, and maybe I am, but I don’t want to settle for someone and risk unhappiness when I can actually be happier without. It’ll happen. * fingers crossed *

Inspiration for My Tattoo

Back in February when we lost one of our good friends there were a couple of songs that I got obsessed with. It’s like they came at the right time knowing exactly what I was going through and I needed that. One song in particular was “Beautiful Mess” by Jason Mraz. The verse that stuck out the most was this…

Through timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth

And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together

So sets the inspiration for my next tattoo. I started my quest to finding the perfect feather with birds flying away from it. The idea is that the feather is “earth” or “us” and the “birds” are our friends that we’ve lost literally flying away. Taking a different path if you will. The verse speaks to me in so many different ways. “Through timeless words”, remembering certain things my friends said. “Priceless pictures”, there aren’t enough pictures of the ones gone, but the few we have are so priceless. The final verse pointing out that times were rough and changing, but the ones of us going through it had each other.

After my tattoo was finished, my sissy and I went to get some Sushi. I love sushi right now. I don’t listen to the radio much at all (never really) but I know that “Beautiful Mess” is not a mainstream song. The restaurant was loud and you could barely hear it, but as I listened closer I heard the verse that inspired my tattoo on the satellite radio. I had to fight back tears.  Sissy said it must have been meant to be.

Even though the one lost in February, which I still think about every day, was the inspiration for this tattoo I still have to acknowledge the many others gone as well. I have 4 birds. Each is special to me and I miss them all the same. 

A Tale of a Jem Doll Meeting a Head

So, the story goes like this: When my sissy and I were little ones my grandfather got her a Jem doll with light up earrings. I was jealous so I broke the doll over her head.

There are tons of questions that have gone UN answered. Why did Tracy get a doll and not me? Was I a bad baby? Why would I break this doll over my sister’s head?

I think things aren’t, as they seem. I probably did get something just not a Jem doll. If I didn’t get anything I know my grandfather had a good reason for it. It’s not like I never got anything. I got plenty. Beside the point, these damn Jem dolls go for hundreds of dollars on ebay. Meaning even if I wanted to make it up to my sister and my grandfather I can’t because I’m not breaking the bank on an old ass doll! 

More Messages from OKC

I know it wasn't but two posts ago that I shared some OKC messages, but my blog has been lacking and I've gotten some good ones. You know I've noticed if you change your picture on OKC the messages begin flowin in. I know that OKC puts an update out to all available mens home pages when girls update anything on their profile, but it's like you're almost fresh meat. Anyways, onto the messages...

Okc'er "A": Hi there, remember me? I just got back on here. I'd like to get to know you and see if there's a spark. 

How have you been? Reply Woman! 

My guess is I didn't reply to this guy the first time he sent me a message...Um why would I reply now ladoucher? Because you told me to? DELETE! 

Okc'er "J": So I think I've perfected the standardized opening letter/message so it truly seems like I wrote in the spur of the moment, but the truth is I'm just a big phony just like most everyone else. So in turn I integrated the standardized introduction into my self summary, thus completing my profile with more than 1000 words... 

I spent my teenage years touring the Northeast, playing with some decent hardcore bands, and basically causing trouble. 

I am currently looking for other players in the Dawsonville area, but it is pretty dim here all the way around... 

I'm a welder and I own my own company that I need to restructure and kind of re-open up here while I'm here, and I build really killer old cars. You're a very attractive young lady, and I'd like to know more about you... Later! 

This guy has since deleted (or blocked) his profile. I probably didn't reply because he probably wasn't attractive (in my eyes). All in all I'm not to apposed to this message. 

Okc'er "D": Hello. Just wish to inform you that I am in Iceland until 10 November on holiday. Have been here since the 18th. Loving it! Only wish I had a few thousand dollars with me so that I could make a trip completely around the island while stopping at MANY sites of interest. Maybe one day I will be able to do so. ;) At least I am here and am making some exursions and great memories, and for that I am thankful. 

So I am writing to ask if you would like to meet for supper on the 11th or 12th before I return to Augusta? My phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Of course I have no service here in Iceland but once I return to the states it shall be restored. Let me know if you are agreed. I will check here for a response in a few days. Hope all is well with you and yours. Keep healthy!

I did reply and asked him when he would be returning to Augusta...Either way Augusta isn't in my area I live in ATLANTA! So he responds nearly a month later...

Hello again. :) I have returned to Georgia this morning after a lengthy transit. Now it is time for much needed slumber. As mentioned before I would like very much to meet you for supper. I have given you my number so please call me tonight or tomorrow. My name is "D", btw. Looking forward...

At this point I'm beginning to think the messages are weird and maybe a false profile all together. Which is too bad because the guy's pictures are really nice. I didn't respond to the second message, but still get this the next day...

About to go to supper with "N" and his wife. Persian cuisine. Should be interesting! ;) I return to Augusta tomorrow eve and so if You wish to meet this time please contact me tonight or tomorrow. Hope all is well with you.

That's all for now. Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. Haven't had anything really exciting happen, but I'll try to do better. Till next time...

Over are my 20’s

I've pretty much been telling people I was 30 since I turned 28. After a certain point I was pretty much 30 in my mind. However it finally happened this past Sunday. I turned 30. Had to say goodbye to my 20’s on a Sunday. A short recap of my birthday weekend…

Sushi with a friend on Friday night. I believe I am lucky enough to have the Sushi Yoshino minutes from my house, where they served the Manhattan Roll. The.Bomb.Ass.Sushi.Roll. Afterwards we headed next door to the local pub where my sissy works. A couple shots (one is too many for me) and beers and I was hammered. Good times had by all and we’re off to Saturday...

Saturday morning woke up way too early and felt like I could use some water and Tylenol. Didn’t get a nap. My beffy came over around 3 we ate and picked up my sissy, then headed to the Little 5 Points Parade. It was fun. Saw some super cool costumes and floats. The place was packed and crowds make me nervous, but it was a hella good place for people watching. Headed back to the house with some pizza to carve pumpkins. Per usual we complained of gutting pumpkins and sore hands. In the end our little guys came out looking amazing. Sunday…

A good old friend woke me with a happy birthday text around 1am, which is my actual birth time. My phone continued to ring off the hook from friends and facebook notifications of birthday wishes. Locked myself out of the house, ran some errands, nap and then off to the Rents for bday dinner. Our bday dinner was vegetable soup, my sister’s favorite. Got some money, that will be going towards my car tag (kind of sad that my bday money is going to actual grown up stuff), a basket full of goodies (etch sketch, gummy bears and pop rocks), some GA tickets from the grandparents, and make up (to cover my old age).

It was a great birthday and I couldn’t ask for more. My family and friends rock for making it special. So, I’m off to my 30’s. 

Messages from the Darkside of OKC

I thought it would be fun to blog some of the odd/funny/WTF was he thinking messages I've gotten on OKC. Hope you enjoy them. Odds are I didn't. 


Okc'er "S": You think you can just waltz up onto my page, creep on my pics, read my about me (totally agree with it), and then just leave without a trace? 

I got eyes on you missy, you owe me a "hello message" which Iexpect in my inbox. I want it in 12pt. font, single spaced, with a good thesis to start

think you can handle that? 

I did not reply to this message. First off he wasn't attractive. Two I just wasn't feeling his "humor" that day. 

Okc'er "M": tlsavage, i'm "m", how's it going? you know what they say about clumsy and funny dorks, right? they can hit some mean notes in a karaoke bar. :-) what are some of your go-to songs? well, enjoyed reading your profile today! keep up the good work!

I don't know about you but, it really bothers me when people don't capitalize names. In school we learned this showed lack of respect. (Side note: when I don't like someone or am mad at someone I don't capitalize their name when writing it). This guy didn't capitalize his OWN name when writing me! So, I didn't respect him enough to message him back. 

Okc'er "A": OH SAHWTY! WANTA GO ON A DATE? 

HAHAHA! This one was actually funny. When I read this I was like, "OH hell no he didn't", but I realized when I visited his profile that this is actually a friend of mine. 

So, that's all I have for now in the inbox.