Freaky Friday

First off I’m wearing a skirt today at work. This is a rare occasion. Usually when I do this co-workers say something like, “Oh look Tara’s wearing a skirt”. Today so far no one has said anything. I call this a win. Usually I don’t like to bring attention to my pale chicken legs, but it is too damn hot not to. I mean it is 80 degrees in my house. 80 degrees! And the air guy won’t be able to make in out till Tuesday so we have to deal with it.

On to the reason I’m writing this blog. I had the weirdest dream last night. Bits and pieces are coming and going from my dream so, I’ll try to get it all in here.

I’m at my ex boyfriend from high school’s lake house. This isn’t odd we go all the time. But the lake house is different. It’s on a HUGE amount of land. I decide that I want to go to the lake. Because I guess the lake isn’t directly outside the house like in real life. You have to drive to the lake. I get in my car to drive to the lake. At a point I have to park my car and walk the rest of the way. There’s someone there. Like a friend or a family member. Someone not really sure who. This place is HUGE ok. So I ask this person if I can park over there and he tells me it would probably be best to park under the bridge. There’s already a car there. I do this. I have to get undressed here. Don’t know why, it was just understood by me that I had to undress at my car. I take off my pants so I’m left with only my t-shirt and under wares on. I’m happy that I’m wearing a t-shirt that is long enough to cover my under wares. I do not have shorts on.

Now all the sudden I’m with my recent ex boyfriend. Which would actually probably never happen. I guess we were done with the lake so it’s time to head back to the house. Get it my car and start driving us. It’s dark now. And there’s a bunch of cars on the road. The road is more like a rock path that you would see in the boonies. Actually like his actual lake house. The cars keep coming and I can’t find an opening to get in there. And I say, “What’s with all the people coming to the lake house?” and my ex says, “They’re just getting back from work”. I say, “I hope so” because I don’t really want to deal with a bunch of people. I don’t know why this made sense to me. It’s a private lake house.

All the sudden it’s daylight again and we’re walking. Like at some point we couldn’t drive to the house we had to finish the trip on foot. And it’s no longer just my ex and I. I think my sister is with us. I’m not really sure on that though. Alls I know is someone else was with us. We’re walking walking walking and we come across this dirt hill. We’re at the top of it and it goes straight down. There are some people sitting on it. I decide I’m going to just do a surf down this hill. I mean eventually we have to go down it so why not. I am badass for doing this. Everyone is like “OMG that was so awesome Tara” and I just give the #1 with my hand and continue walking.

There are 4 of us now. The only person I’m sure is there is my ex still at this point. And all the sudden I’m wearing pajama shorts. And I say, “good thing I had these shorts”. And then across the street are two cops yelling at 4 men. “Freeze!”. “You’re under arrest”. This scares me. So I say, “ok guys lets walk this way”, the opposite direction of the cops. I’m thinking the cops got these guys. I was wrong. All the sudden the 4 men and the cops are running towards us. The men run right past me. So my friend, now my ex is gone I believe he’s now my friend John, tells us to hide in this sewer. Yes a sewer. By all accounts though this was a nice sewer. It was clean. He’s holding open the sewer and I’m getting in there (I don’t know why we’re hiding the cops and the 4 men have ran past us). Inside the sewer I see a strung out looking man starring at the wall. He’s soaking wet, skinny and wearing a wife beater. This scares me so I start to climb out. But then another guy from the other side comes out. He’s sad it seems. And he says “wait I need to get out for a minute”. And no shit he’s looking like the guy that I okc’d for a bit last week. He never messaged me back after a few message exchanges. Hmmm...Weird. 

OMG I just realized it’s Friday the 13^th. Could I have been dreaming about Camp Crystal Lake? This dream has just about everything Camp Crystal Lake had. Girls in their under ware, ex boyfriends, cops, people, and let us not forget a LAKE! Me wearing a skirt today only adds to the freakish that is today. Happy Friday the 13^th. 

Is Pan Handling on the Highway the New Thing?

Driving into work this morning I noticed a Pan Handler on the side of the highway. I was really confused by this. Are we suppose to stop, as we're going 60+ miles per hour, to give you money? That's one way to start an accident. Or were you hitch hiking? It's probably been forever (like literally forever I don't think I've ever ran into a hitch hiker) sense I've seen a hitch hiker. It also got me wondering if Pan Handling on the side of the highway was the new thing? Like these people figure "hey I can hit up a lot of cars on the highway". Is this possible? 

I'm not one to give to pan handlers. Not that I don't feel sorry for them, I do. It's just I watch a lot of Intervention and I see these strung out drug do'ers and they all pan handle for money to get their drug of choice. And I'm certainly not going to start by giving to them as I'm driving on the highway. I mean I would have to cross 4 lanes of heavy (60+ miles per hour) traffic to get to this guy. And yeah there are people closer to him, but are they going to stop and give? Well I didn't see anyone slowing down. I'm sure there is some idiot however that would. I strongly believe there are many idiots in this world. Obviously because pan handlers (drug addicts/boozers on Intervention) make lots of money in a days "work". 


That is all. 

Elevator Rendezvous

I ran into a guy that may or may not have been flirting with me in the lobby this afternoon while fetching the mail. 

I'm standing there in the lobby, along with three other people, waiting on the elevator. One an older man with food from the cafe in his hand. Another an older lady, also on her way up from the cafe. And then this younger (probably my age...shit that aint young is it? boo hoo hoo) guy coming from outside. Who knows where he was coming from. Lunch? Home? A smoke break? Who  knows. 

So anyways, I'm standing there waiting waiting waiting, holding the mail, and I can see him looking at what seemed to be my mail from the corner of my eye. You know in my peripheral. So this guy, pointing at his wrist, says to me "What's that mean?". I have a tattoo on my wrist. I giggling say "Scorpio. It's my sign". Now for reals I am a totally oblivious person. I don't know if he was talking to me because he thought I was cute or if he was just bored trying to strike up conversation with a fellow building attender. 

The conversation continues, I say, "I like it" and he nods. At this point we are in the elevator. I have to go up to the godly 12th floor! I hate elevators and we're on the highest floor. Makes for a beautiful view, but I don't really care because I don't have an office with a view. He's getting off at the 5th  floor. "Zodiac" he says and I'm like "yeah". Then as he's stepping off he says, "What month is Scorpio" and I reply with "October". And that is it. I have to ride the rest of the way up with the older man and older woman which of course get off at 10 and 11. I hate the elevator for two reasons. 1) They freak me out 2) I don't like being that close to people I don't know. And I honestly feel like every time I get on the elevator it stops at almost every floor. Like I hate those people who get on at 1 to get off at 2. Really you're that lazy? That's how I see it in my head. Another day another blog. 

He probably was just trying to make conversation, but it was nice anyways. I like making new friends and I've been secretly hoping I'd meet someone on that damn elevator. 

Dear Friend

It's been nearly three months since my friend's death and I still think about him every day. I wrote him a note that I never got to take to the service and I wanted to share it. 
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When I look back to high school, I remember thinking I thought you would grow up to be something incredible. You were so talented in both music and photography. I remember thinking no one was as good as you. Of course that was so long ago, but still that's how I saw you. Remarkable. I admired who you were and what you did. Some of my fondest memories have you in them. And some of my most cherished photographs either you took or are in. You were always one of those people who left Atlanta and I always wished would come back. Back home. For my own selfish reasons. I just always missed you. And honestly was jealous of the friendships you made after us.
I remember specific things that we did together. Like how you would play Jewell's You Were Meant for Me on your guitar and I would sing the lyrics for you. It was our song. And that is the only reason I still have that song on my playlist. You would beg me to sing it while you played it. And in front of people you knew the only way you were going to get me to sing was if you turned the lights off. I was shy and with the lights out it felt like it was just you and me. So I remember, sitting in a dark room while you played on the guitar and I sang.
We only dated for a short time, but you were always special to me. I remember for our 3 month anniversary all day you were so excited, you had a surprise for me. You knew my favorite flower back then was carnations. You had me meet you up the street from Murphy Candler. Between your house and my grandparents house. There you were waiting for me with 3 Carnations. One for each of our months as "boyfriend girlfriend". I still to this day say that is the sweetest thing any boyfriend has ever done for me. And if anyone knows me at all they know I do still have those carnations.
I can't wrap my head around it. Like how are we suppose to continue on without you with us. You were so far away, but never far enough to where the possibly of not seeing you was there. Now we have to figure out how to live without you. And sometimes, quite honestly, I don't think I can cope with that. You ARE such a great person! I can not think of a person better than you. I see your smile now. In my memory. And I hear you playing your guitar. And I see you at the corner with 3 carnations in your hand. 
I remember when we broke up and you wanted to get back together. I of course didn't want to get back together, but you kept trying. Eventually you started crushing on another girl and then I, as you do, I wanted you back. I think this is when I had my first case of "love sickness". I remember trying to eat, but when I thought about you I just couldn't. I couldn't eat. Anyways that's how I feel now. I can't eat when I think about you.
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Now I've had a difficult time with this. He's not the first one that we've lost this way and I really thought the last one was the last one. I've gone through your basic wave of emotions. I was really sad for about two weeks. Every face I looked at I saw him. Every song I heard reminded me of him. When I saw babies I thought, "How are they going to turn out? Will they be sad? Will they not make it" and these thoughts really disturb me. After two weeks I started to get really angry. I would be crying then I'd be yelling about it. I was so angry that someone so bright and promising and attractive would do something so selfish. Like I had to sit through a service where people said family was #1 to you! I can't begin to image I know the pain he was going through. Or anyone for that matter. And I'm done asking myself why. But I do know that taking your own life isn't the answer. 

WTF...

I tell my dad I'm seeing someone. He immediately responds with three questions, 1) Does he have a job? 2) Does he have a car? 3) Does he have his own place? 
I say to my dad, "Um why?" and he replies, "Because if he  has one of the three it's not going to work."
Thanks DADDIO! And I got news for ya, it doesn't work out anyways! :P

Maybe I Shouldn't of Deleted Every OKC Number Stored in My Phone

So I get a text the other night from a number not stored in my phone, "Hey babe it's been a while, how have you been?". I know a couple things from this text message, 1) It's a guy 2) I have NO idea who this guy is. So why is he calling me babe? Naturally I reply with a lie and say, "Sorry got a new phone and lost contacts who is this?". To which he replies (and I'll use some coding to protect identities here, but they are not much off), "Bench from Barks". Now I'm even more confused then before. Bench from Barks? WTF!? I reply with "uh...?" to which he replies with a picture of himself. I've been online dating for a while and as mentioned previously I have forgotten names, but I don't think I've forgotten any faces. I've talked to some guys that I haven't met and I'm thinking at this point he is one of them. 


As you do at this point I just lie again and say, "Oh hey are are you? I'm good". And he says, "Oh ya know just tending bar". I see an opening here. I'm beginning to think I may know who this guy is. A guy that I was talking to when I first started OKC. I decided I wasn't into him because his pictures were, well not to my liking, and told him I was seeing someone. I reply, "Where are you bartending?" and he says "Barks" so I google Barks really quickly. It's a Gay Bar. DING DING DING! I remember this guy now. It is the guy that I just didn't want to deal with. Too bad I deleted all those okc numbers from my phone. 


I keep up the friendly banter and he asks me what I'm up to tonight. Well I tell him I'm in for the night, which I actually was, and to hit me up later during the week. Don't know why I did this. I don't get myself sometimes. Why am I trying to be nice? I'm not interested in this guy. But I think to myself why the hell not ya know!? I'm not seeing anyone and I joined to meet people and I actually think hey maybe it could work out. * rolls eyes * He text me that maybe we can meet up on Tuesday, to which I replied "I'll probably be available then". 


The next day I decided to look up Woofs on an actual computer, because the night before I just did a quick search on my phone. Lucky me! They have employee photos on their website. So, I go to the link and start looking for this guy. What do you know his actual name is Bench! There big and bright "Bench" and this goofy ass picture of this guy is staring me in the face. Ginger and balding. Now I remember why I told him I was seeing someone. I don't mean to be mean, but balding! And I'm not a hater my grandfather wore a toupee for as long as I remember. And my grandfather was the best. I'm just sayin he's balding! 


At this point it's pretty much decided I'm not going to carry through with meeting up with this guy. Even my dad is in the background saying, "don't do it, he didn't do it for you the first time he's not going to this time, don't do it". Decided, I'm not. He texts me Monday morning, "Hey still good for tomorrow night?" and I'm starting to feel bad at this point. I know how it feels to want to meet someone and it just not happen for you. I mean I've been there. But I can't I just can not. So, I reply with some bullshit about how some co-workers are moving (which isn't entirely untrue) and I have to go to a work thing so no. He replies with "Boo :(". I think it's over at this point, but NO he texts me again Tuesday telling me he hopes I have fun at my co-workers farewell. I just didn't reply and I stored his number so this doesn't happen again. I mean what kind of people name their kid anything remotely close to Bench??? 

“Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and the bad ones are full of crap.”

I feel like as I get older all the good guys are taken. Was it because I didn't go to college? Did I miss out on the opportunity to meet the "right guy" in college? After all Dave met Angela in college (Slackers people one of my favorite movies. I want to meet me a Devon Sawa). 

In high school I dated a couple of the good ones, but they didn't last sadly. I guess I thought that I wanted to date all the cute guys that I possibly could. I broke a couple hearts before I found the "one". The "one" who I spend 6 years with. "The one" being a short ginger and a lying cheater. What is wrong with me? Unfortunately it wasn't until after high school that I woke up one day and thought to myself this is not who I want to be with and it's time to have fun!...

At this point I had been tied down for 6 years and was not interested ina relationship. All my friends were in college. Finding relationships and moving on. Now all my friends are getting married! 

I'm beginning to think that I've literally dated every single guy in Atlanta. And I'm beginning to wonder if I missed out on something meaningful because of the choices I made in my early 20's. The good guys are taken,  and the only ones left I find don't have their own place, can't drive, or are gay. Really. I need a gay best friend. Maybe he can give me some advice. 

I've been online dating, meeting new people and trying to get out of my bubble. I have dated so many guys that I don't remember some of their names. When I went through my phone and saw all the phone numbers I have accumulated I was like this can NOT be real life. DELETE DELETE DELETE. Not to say it's all been a waste. It hasn't. I've met a couple guys that I actually liked, but eventually it ran it's course. I know what I want and I don't think that I should have to settle for anything less. And I am NOT picky. 

“Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one.”