My “Not So Much” Journey’s: More Messages from that OKC

 As you can only imagine I get some weird messages on okc. Only a few are worth posting. I bring you TWO gems that I've gotten in the last couple of months.

First up is from about 3 months ago. YooCantBeSerous (is his screen name and I actually thought exactly that after reading this message): "Kickball is the shiznit…I hope you are ready for crazy, because crazy is coming your way (editors note: crazy doesn't exactly explain it).

So…I’ve done a ton of research and put a lot of thought into this and I’ve scientifically masterminded THE most sincere, genuine and thoughtful copy-n-paste intro pickup line specially created…just…for…you. Are you ready?

Wait…waaait for it…

Hi…I’m Chris…I’ve got an average sized brain but I know how to please you with it and promise you’ll be satisfied FIRST every time ;) I come from a very stable and rewarding family that I’ve worked hard to build and I have a loving career that I am very close to (editors note: Chris, is that backwards?). I have an emotional but never clingy penis (editors note: OMG what!?) that I am very passionate about and that is very close to me (editors note: NO SHIT!). It’s gotten me where I am today (editors note: which is on a FREE dating site) and don’t know where I’d be without it. I hope one day to meet someone who I can introduce to my penis (editors note: no you just didn’t mention your PENIS AGAIN!) and who’ll feel the same way. In the mean time, I’d like to start out by just meeting a nice, fun, drama-free vagina (editors note: yep he went there) to develop a friendship with in hopes that it grows into a healthy mutually beneficial connection that I can introduce to my family someday. (editors note: did he just say he wants a “friend” with benefits?) Who knows what the future holds?…pets…kids…marriage…therapy…dysfu…family perhaps?…and whatever other tax benefits awaits us. I’m just so excited to have the privilege to be on this site so that you have the opportunity to meet me (editors note: no thank you) and I know you are just about to pee in your pants with anticipation too.

BAM!!!

I know that’s some good shit right? Almost too much to handle (editors note: You got that right). Like getting dessert for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Savor it…take it in slowly and saaavor it.

But…you’re welcome!

YOU just got handed goods! And lived to tell about it (editors note: trust that I will).

What’s next? Drinks…hot oily nekkidness…crash a wedding? It’s aaall (editors note: gotta love a guy that uses his letters multiple times) yours for the taking.

Number please? (Editors note: I think NOT!)

And so…how much of this did you really take seriously" (editors note: enough not to write you back).

I know readers that was a long one! But it had to be done. The next one comes from Sharkbaitoohhaha, who has a much nicer approach: “Hi Ms. Tlsavage, lol, how are you? I’m about to shut myself down from this site, but before I did, I had to say something to you. Get off dating sites!!!

1) You’re very beautiful (editors note: aw thanks). You say your pictures don’t do you justice, but I beg to differ. If I ever met you in person, I’d find it difficult to believe you’re prettier than your pictures. Your pictures are gorgeous; it’s just not possible.

2^nd (and final) Have faith that a wonderful person will sweep you off your feet-it just takes time. I know time can be a terrible monster that ticks by ever so slowly, but don’t be in a hurry. I have destroyed my dating life. Something time can’t fix (editors note: I’m intrigued, do tell…). If I could change it/fix it, I would. But alas, there is no recovery, and it’s led me to view many instances in a different light (editors note: and he’s not going to tell me what he’s talking about! You’ve got to be kidding me!).

I guess what I’m trying to say is: you have a much better chance at a quality man in real life (editors note: I don’t remember asking for a pep talk but ok), leave us computer junkies alone, lol (editors note: at least he has a sense of humor), and get out there! Someone is looking for you-out in the real world, not on a computer. Be out there, and you’ll be found.

Best wished and good luck!”

Too bad he deleted his profile right? I have decided that my gorgeousness scares guys away from my profile. This isn’t the first message I’ve gotten like this. What am I doing on this site!? In a total I’ve met two guys I’ve actually liked. One, I swear tries to avoids me and the second I actually met through a mutual friend years ago before okc was even a thought, in my non single days. It’s truly funny how things work out. At the end of the day, I’m still looking.