My Journey's: Inappropriate

It was brought to my attention that I may have given a few guys the wrong idea. Countless dates off the internet for, what 3+ years, and I've had two guys come at me incorrectly about my outfit choice. Some may say that’s a lot, I say it’s minimal in the overall of how many dates I've gone on.

The infamous date with the guy who tried to eat my face and get me to have sex with him, told me that my “body” and the way I was “dressed told him a different story” other than the NO that I was spitting out of my MOUTH! And years ago I’d gone on a date with a guy who’d texted me after I’d left for home to tell me the “next time” he sees me I’ll have to “wear a shirt less revealing” because it makes him want to have “sex with me”…Um not ok.

I for one think this is an unacceptable way to talk to people! I would say regardless of if I’m wearing a low cut shirt or not. If you know me at all you know that I’m pretty modest. I don’t flaunt it, I’m a t-shirts and jeans type of girl, I barely wear shorts in the summer and I don’t even get drunk (let lose) often. Most guys would agree, but for some reason it would appear there are some people that may look at me like I’m the one doing something wrong!

I shouldn't feel bad having what I have. I dress the way I want, I don’t think about who it’s going to affect, and as far as I’m concerned that’s more than ok. To note I know for a FACT the outfit I wore with face eater was not revealing. True, at our first meeting I was a little drunkie and we were dancing BUT still that doesn't mean I want to f you! I don’t even know you. The shirt I was wearing for the other date was a bit low cut but I was wearing an under shirt and he should probably learn to control himself! 

My Journey’s: Oh No He Just Didn't…

Because it’s been a while and you know how I love to talk about my "dates" I thought I’d share this one!

It wasn't a date really, it was more like a gathering and I met this guy through friends. Over beers and dinner after kickball we got to talking. It wasn't long before this came out of his mouth, “You know I don’t want anything serious but if you’re down I’m down”, I looked at him confused and was thinking "um come again!?" but said, “excuse me?” I did actually know where he was going, and he says, “you know we could just have sex”. I mean I got the feeling he was into me, but damn! If you're going to come at me with interest come at me correct! 

I immediately jumped on him with “so I’m good enough to F but I’m not good enough to be your girlfriend?” He’s all the sudden on the defense saying it came out wrong, and I’m thinking there’s no other way that could of be taken. Either way not.interested.

We’re still friends and he’s actually not that bad of a guy. You know how people say "men are stupid"? Well this one takes the cake when it comes to girls apparently. 

My Journey’s: Work Business up in My Business

Someone at work asked me the other day how “M” and I got together (side bar: “M” is one of my ex’s and he works with me). First off, how bout mind yb!? No really.

“M” and I have been friends since high school. I thought he was the hottest thing that walked the halls of Chamblee (even with his red forehead from falling asleep in class. Now that is LOVE). You know what they say is true you are your surroundings. We were so back and forth for years. He was into me, but I wasn't into him and vise versa. Finally we got on the same page (so I thought) and we made it official. As I do when I finally get what I want I don’t want it anymore. I think by the time it finally happened I was just over it, but wanted to give it a go.

Me thinks I do stuff like this all the time. Typical girl behavior of wanting what I can’t have just because I can’t have it. What a brat I can be. I could be totally into just being casual but as soon as he says he wants to be casual I’m like, what wait a minute that’s not how this is suppose to work…

I wish it were Friday. Ever since last December, when I took every Friday (and a couple Monday’s) of the month off I never got use to coming back to the 5 day work weeks. That being said, it’s almost December and I’ll be doing that again. 

My Journey’s: Maybe the First

Because it’s been a while, God knows the dating pool is awful right now (side bar: I am dating but it’s just dating) I’m reaching back a bit…

The other day I was thinking (I know I shouldn't strain myself) and I thought Garrett was my first real boyfriend. He should of set the tone for future relationships, but instead I rejected him. What is wrong with me? He was such a good guy. Carnations for our three-month anniversary, something he found more exciting than I did, he never push me into anything (kissing back then was a big deal mkay) and he always had nice things to say about me despite what was in his ear (Chamblee can be so dramatic and talk talk talk).

I’m probably stretching the truth a little. When I hit high school I had a number of boyfriends right off the bat (I’m not gloating). In truth I was just new eye candy to some, but I was something special to Garrett. He made sure I knew that and it made me feel weird so I put an end to it. I chose to be with someone that was less than good to me instead. This person turned out to be my long term. I grieve the thought of this.

The older I get (or maybe it’s just the dating) the more I realize that certain things just don’t matter and the ONE thing that actually does is how someone makes you feel. We set the tones for how we want to be treated. If we let guys get away with being jerks they’re going to be jerks. The saddest thing of all is Garret was way cuter (and taller) than who I chose for long term. What.Was.I.Thinking!? Now I’m so frightened of losing myself or getting hurt it’s hard for me to take the leap. And I really only have myself to blame. Most of us are damaged and we need to get the F over it! Live in the now.

This is turning into a self help (of sorts) so I’ll end with Happy Voting Tuesday! Thank God it’s almost over. It’s nasty outside and I can only think that it’s a direct reflection on our candidates. That being said, I'm not voting so as my Daddio would say my opinion doesn't count. 

My Journey’s: WARNING GRAPHIC but no NUDITY

I woke up this morning thinking last nights date was just a nightmare…No such luck.

Everything started off really well. He was cute, dressed nice and even taller than me. We shared a lot of the same interests, spoke about music and being on the beach. 3 hours flew by at this brew house and we got the tab. As I do, I ignore it and just wait for it to be paid, but not with this guy. He says, “So you wanna split this”. I was shocked but kept it together and said, “sure”. He scurried off to the laboratories and I told the waiter to split it down the middle, even though I had TWO beers compared to his FOUR and we SPLIT a salsa and queso. At one point in the night he mentions his “female confidant”. At the end of the date I’m thinking, did his “female confidant” tell him to split the tab? You must know this guy is a beer brewer by profession, so my “male confidant” told me this guy needs to brew up some common courtesy. At the very least to pick up the damn tab on a date!

Still he asked me if I wanted to come back to his place because it was a nice night and we could “hang on the porch”. Not to seem totally annoyed, which I was, I said yes. I’m thinking ONE beer and I’ll go, because it is a work night for me. I follow him to his place down the road and he gets us both a beer. We’re sitting on his porch enjoying my fave Miller Lite and all the sudden he comes in for the kiss. You would think this would be nice…it wasn’t. Probably the worst kisser I’ve ever dealt with and there was no way I could make it work even a little bit. He’s being way too aggressive, which just sets the tone for what he’s really out for.

He’s getting more and more aggressive and I tell him things gotta stop there. He goes on and on asking me questions about why, and telling me my body and the way I’m acting or dressing (believe me my clothes were on LOCK DOWN) is telling him differently (WTF!) and I’m having to explain to him my morals (because damnit I do have them). This goes on for a while. He tells me he has to sleep with someone to know if he wants to “date” her. Knowing this is all complete bullshit I just tell him it doesn’t work that way for me. I do finally convince him that NOTHING is going to happen, by telling him I was just Baptized and I'm walking a life through the eyes of God (forgive me) and I get on my way home knowing that he’ll never call me and that I’m completely ok with that.

Probably the worst date I’ve ever been on. And it showed such great promise at the beginning of the night. Boo dude! 

UPDATE: The guy texts me this morning! He says he had a great time last night and for me to have a great week. What a weird day. Dilemma, one guy I like doesn't know how to make plans or text me on the whim, yet he tells me great things about myself and makes me feel good. This guy totes makes me feel like he's out for ONE thing (that is sex) and yet he follows up with texts telling me he had fun and to have a great week. 

My Journey’s: Excuses Are Like A**holes and You’re Just Becoming One

You know that awkward moment when you’re on a date with a guy that you actually like and you’re about to tell him that you want to get married (one day) so badly that you can taste it, but at that very moment someone comes up and interrupts the conversation? It’s like God is telling you this isn’t the one.

Thing is, I do want to get married and I don’t want to waste my time getting involved with anyone that doesn’t feel the same way. I did that for 3 years! Then my ex goes and gets himself married a year after we break up. No doubt I wasted my life on a guy that was giving me excuses for me not being the one (or he just wanted to marry a subservient Russian) and now I’m going into my 30’s.

On the odd occasion that I check my okc these days there’s little to no activity. Today I check it and why is it that the last guy I went on a date with (who wanted me to pay for his parking) was checking out my profile? Ick. Then I get a text last night from one of the guys that asked me to meet him and never contacted me again. It’s been over a month buddy. Just.Please.Stop.

As you know dear readers I’ve been on a lot of dates the last couple of years and I’m giving up on being picky. I just want a guy who is going to be nice to me, make me feel safe, make me laugh and make me feel special (by doing special things for me out of the blue and a lot). 

My Journey’s: Did I Really Shave My Legs for This?

I’ve learned a couple things while dating. One, guys don’t care if you shave your legs or not. If it’s happening it’s going to regardless. Two, I’m more likely to get lucky if I don’t then if I do.

I’ve had two dates in the past couple months that ended before they even started. Literally! First up: Him, “Is Friday or Saturday better for you” Me, “Saturday” Him, … Absolute silence. Nothing! Equals no date. Second: Me, “So you still want to meet up” Him, “Yes” Me, “Well we can get together Saturday or Tuesday, my neighborhood bar has good trivia” Him, “Sounds good”…What sounds good? Saturday or Tuesday? Equals no date.

I got a message on that dreaded okc and we decide to meet up. Things went well and he tells me he wants to see me again, but then he goes and makes things more complicated then they actually are. After a couple “irrelevance irrelevance irrelevance ” texts I am over it and don't know how this is gonna go. I'm more annoyed than excited. The thing is I (try to) stay busy. Literally minutes after figuring out that he wasn't available on Thursday I had plans, Saturday followed suit.

I know what I want and what I don’t want. I know what I’m worth too and it isn’t sloppy ass non-dates. If you “definitely want” to see me you would. There are two nights in a weekend and 5 in a week, figure it out and pick one. 

That all being said, I shaved my legs last night.